he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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