How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
