Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize