I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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