This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
