i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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