help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
