The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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