I think I just saw someone hide a body.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
