At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
