I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
