When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
