i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
