its not stalking. its research.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
