my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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