and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
