He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
