I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
