Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
