slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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