I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
