Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
