She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
