where am i from again
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
