you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
