I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
