Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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