Define "chronic" masturbator.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
