What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
