I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
