we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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