i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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