Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
