i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
