So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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