I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
