we made out on top of his cat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize