Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
