i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
