I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
