i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
