Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
