"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and you fell through a lawn chair
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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