I only kidnapped one of them. chill
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
