No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
