You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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