i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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