I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
