that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize