I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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