I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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