Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The power of my boobs compel you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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