I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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