If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
