Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
