So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
