Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
