and you said cock pushups were impossible
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
