Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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