why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
