just come out here and I will go home with you...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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