Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
