I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
