Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize