he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
