I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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