blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's get the cat blown out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
