Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize