just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
