i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How external is "for external use only"?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
