I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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