What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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