you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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