Having a random hookup so left but love u
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
