i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
